Day 38: My Advice for Men

Today, I left the house to go get Aleve and I ended up with a double bacon cheeseburger and a Snickers bar. That's just a sampling of how a woman's mind sometimes works. Let me reassure you, gentlemen, it is no secret to us that we are sometimes complicated and difficult to understand. That's rather obvious. So here are the top ten things, I want you to know.

10. It is not the position of the toilet seat that gets me riled. It is when I sit down in the dark bathroom in the middle of the night and my butt plunges into the water that makes me cranky.

9. Sharing blankets should not be a requirement in a relationship. Sharing warm hugs should be. And a girl cannot ever have enough hugs. In fact, a hug can be your get out of jail free card when you have no idea what to say.

8. There are times, however, when a hug is not going to work. You will know when that is when you hear these four words: we need to talk. Hugs are not getting you out of that one.

7. Proactivity is your friend. Doing anything before a woman asks you to, gives us the shivers. It's pure joy. In fact, it's practically foreplay.

6. My 8 year old nephew said it best when he suggested that men should never ask other men for advice about women. Ask a woman. Not a woman you are attracted to, of course, but a sister or an ugly neighbor or something.

5. Eventually, she will stop waiting for you. Waiting for you to get your act together... Waiting for you to settle down... Waiting for you to do what you say you are going to do... So, if you like it, you probably should put a ring on it. Beyonce is right.

4. And sometimes, you gotta do what's best for you. Period. Don't be a whipping boy.

3. Stop believing that nonsense that you've been hearing about how women don't really mean what they say. When I say, "I'm fine," I mean it. When I say, "I don't know" or "I don't care," it's because I sure as heck don't know and I really don't care.

2. All women are crazy. At times. We all have our moments.

1. We aren't all as complicated as you think. Sometimes you gotta take us at face value. And it might be best for you to stop trying to figure women out. (Maybe we should do the same.)