Day 38: My Advice for Men

Today, I left the house to go get Aleve and I ended up with a double bacon cheeseburger and a Snickers bar. That's just a sampling of how a woman's mind sometimes works. Let me reassure you, gentlemen, it is no secret to us that we are sometimes complicated and difficult to understand. That's rather obvious. So here are the top ten things, I want you to know.

10. It is not the position of the toilet seat that gets me riled. It is when I sit down in the dark bathroom in the middle of the night and my butt plunges into the water that makes me cranky.

9. Sharing blankets should not be a requirement in a relationship. Sharing warm hugs should be. And a girl cannot ever have enough hugs. In fact, a hug can be your get out of jail free card when you have no idea what to say.

8. There are times, however, when a hug is not going to work. You will know when that is when you hear these four words: we need to talk. Hugs are not getting you out of that one.

7. Proactivity is your friend. Doing anything before a woman asks you to, gives us the shivers. It's pure joy. In fact, it's practically foreplay.

6. My 8 year old nephew said it best when he suggested that men should never ask other men for advice about women. Ask a woman. Not a woman you are attracted to, of course, but a sister or an ugly neighbor or something.

5. Eventually, she will stop waiting for you. Waiting for you to get your act together... Waiting for you to settle down... Waiting for you to do what you say you are going to do... So, if you like it, you probably should put a ring on it. Beyonce is right.

4. And sometimes, you gotta do what's best for you. Period. Don't be a whipping boy.

3. Stop believing that nonsense that you've been hearing about how women don't really mean what they say. When I say, "I'm fine," I mean it. When I say, "I don't know" or "I don't care," it's because I sure as heck don't know and I really don't care.

2. All women are crazy. At times. We all have our moments.

1. We aren't all as complicated as you think. Sometimes you gotta take us at face value. And it might be best for you to stop trying to figure women out. (Maybe we should do the same.)

Day 5: Good Girlfriends

My high school friends & I outside the old arena
after a Steamers soccer game.

For years, I have preached the benefits of a woman's relationships with other women. And there have been moments, in the midst of my sermonizing, that I have been betrayed by or treated very badly by other women but those experiences do not change my stance. Women need other women in their lives.

There have been scientific studies that have shown that having positive relationships with other women improves a woman's health. A Harvard study suggested that female friends improves quality of life by delaying the onset of stress-related health problems common to women and increased a woman's ability to deal with painful situations.



My college friends with a few of
the guys.


I have great friends. It's not because I always deserve them but it is because I have allowed myself to make new friends at every juncture of my life.

For those who are not convinced, here are my top twelve reasons that female friendships are important:

1. Only a woman will commiserate with you over cramps one minute, which seems girly and weak; and join you on the adventure of a lifetime the next like holding an alligator or flying 40 MPH up the side of a mountain on a snowmobile, which is awesomely brave and womanly.


My friend of almost 40 years, Diane.



2. Female friends will sit up with you all night in your new apartment because you're too afraid to be there alone. And they will paint a wall in that apartment with one hand while unpacking your kitchen with the other.

3. Chicks will see chick flicks with you because they want to. Not because they hope it will earn them points.



Cindy, Christy, Lori, Kate, Heather & I
on our girls' trip to Colorado.


4. Good girlfriends will not only take a road trip with you but they will let you listen to Richard Marx or Show Tunes or whatever music will make you happy.

5. Women will tell you that skirt makes your butt look big. They will tell you that you can get those adorable shoes at Payless.

6. They will share other secrets with you too like which hair removal products work best and where you can find those bras that provide support on the sides, suck in the back fat and lift & gather in the front.

Tiffany & I standing in line
for my audition for
America's Got Talent.

7. Girl friends will talk to you until you are done talking. And they will leave you alone when you say you want to be left alone. But not completely. They will text you until you are ready to talk again and come by your house until you are ready to go out again. And they will never REALLY leave you alone because they know you don't mean it. They know you're just hurting. And they get it. Completely.

Cindy & I on her
40th birthday.



8. Female friends will support you on the way up, catch you on the way down & encourage you to try again until you succeed.

9. Women travel in packs. Yes, that's a good thing. Haven't you heard that there is strength in numbers? There's safety in numbers too. And, if you go to the bathroom alone and there's no toilet paper in your stall... Well, that never happens when you go with a friend!

10. Other women will go on a diet with you and they will go with you on a mission in the middle of the night to find chocolate cake.



My sister, Denise, and I a few
days ago.



11. Female friends will drive by your crush's house with you. Over and over again. And twice on Saturday nights.

12. Women come in all shapes and sizes and colors. And the personality & talent variety is amazing. The reason that is so great is because you are not limited to your shallow attractions when picking out your female friends like you are when choosing a mate. AND can have as many as you want. They can come from work or live in your neighborhood. You can meet them at school or church or the gym. They can be your sisters or your cousins or your aunts or your sister's cousin's aunt. There are no rules. And that is so very liberating.

Now go hug your friends. Or find some. It's good for you!

40 is HUGE!

I don't think most people understand the magnitude of turning 40 years old. And by most people, I mean people who haven't turned 40 or people who are not looking down the barrel of 40. It's huge. It really is. And in 40 days, I will be turning 40.

Just to show you how big it is, I am going to blog for the next 40 days, chronicling my life up to the top. The top of the hill that is. You know, the hill that you supposedly go OVER when you turn 50. If that's the case, I figure 40 is when you arrive at the top. It's that perfect spot for looking back over the first chunk of your life and for looking forward out over the expanse of the years to come. Sounds ethereal and dreamy, doesn't it?

So here we go, friends. Fasten your seat belts! Grab your popcorn! And some of you might want to have your helmets & heavy armor on stand by. We're on our way to the top! And it's gonna be HUGE!