Day 20: The World is Your Oyster

"The world is your oyster!" said the card attached to the flowers.

Dragging myself into the house after my first day of work at my new job, I threw down my coat and purse and paused in the kitchen. A delivery had come earlier in the day and I couldn't imagine who may have sent it. Tearing into the paper, I discovered the beautiful, bright pink flowers and the card attached was signed by a dear friend whom I've known since high school.

We are half way through the 40 days until my 40th birthday. So I had planned to muster up some half-hearted blog about hitting the half way point. But then the flowers came and they reminded me how important it is to let people know when you are thinking about them. It can shift a person's entire mood or make someone's day. A kind word, a short message, even a smile can pull someone back from the brink of... mediocrity!

I also started thinking about the sentiment that my wonderful friend had written in the card. "The World is Your Oyster." Shakespeare first popularized the phrase in "The Merry Wives on Windsor" and the original meaning was exactly what you think: the world is yours for the taking and it is a place where you can get something of great value just by using the proper tools and gently prying open the shell.

Thank you, my good friend, for thinking of me, for letting me know you were thinking of me and for reminding me that I can have whatever I have the guts to go after. Look out world. You might want to hide your pearls!

Day 18: Turning Home

One of my favorite country artists these days is David Nail. He's a hometown kid of sorts. He grew up in Missouri. I was first introduced to his music by Tony LaRussa while I worked an event for the Animal Rescue Foundation. 

Two things draw me to certain music. First, there's a certain quality in a person's voice that attracts me. It's not always the same quality. It's just something in they way they project the music that moves me emotionally in one way or another. Second, the lyrics have to make sense to me. You know when you hear a song and you say out loud or you feel deep within you that you agree or you get it? Or you feel like they must have gotten in your head somehow or seen a video of your life? That's what hooks me.

Today, I spent some time with college friends and it's always such a good time when we get together. We talked briefly about how different our school is today compared to "back in the day" when we were there. We took a couple of very quick trips down memory lane. And, maybe it's this getting older thing but, every time we are together I feel more nostalgic and a little more sentimental.

David Nail has some new music coming out this week. But for now here's his song TURNING HOME. The lyrics say " And I don't know no friends like the old friends. I never seem to laugh now like I did with them. But deep inside me, a piece of my history. Yeah, I hear their voices even though they're gone. And it keeps me turning home."

We made a lot of history in our time at Webster U. There were a lot of firsts for all of us. We've got a lot more stories than anyone ever read about in the Journal. And it's not the same place it was when we were there. I'm sure it's better in some ways. But there will never be anything like the good old days again.

Day 11: Keeping Up

Over the last couple of years, I have spent a lot of time catching up with old friends, former classmates and former co-workers. Two summers ago, my high school classmates gathered for a weekend to celebrate the 20th anniversary of our graduations. Last summer, my grade school classmates and I celebrated our 25th reunion. On the first Friday of every month, I have lunch with Monique, one of my former Purina co-workers. And this week, I will get to see a handful of my other former co-workers.

There is great comfort in surrounding yourself with people who have walked the formative steps of life with you. The only folks who remember sitting beside you on carpet squares in Mrs. Droste's kindergarten class in 1976 or repelling down the wall at Forty Legends in 6th grade are the people who experienced it with you. The only ones who know how nervous you were moments before taking the stage as the Mother Abbess in The Sound of Music or what it felt like to be the first class to walk through the giant wooden ring (courtesy of Mr. Scotino) are the people who were there. The only ones who endured legal meetings and client meetings and 50 hour work weeks are the people who did it with you.

Greater comfort comes in reuniting or keeping up with those people across a lifetime and discovering that in some ways time stands still. All change is not scary. In fact, often times, life changes bring you close to people you never thought you'd let past your emotional walls or who you had nothing in common with or who you thought you would ever be friends with.

I count myself one of the luckiest people in the world because I have the same best friend today that I had when I was 2 years old. (We survived arguments over my Andy Gibb album & cans of Aqua net.) I frequently have dinner with groups of women with whom I went to high school which always results in hours of side-splitting laughter and a couple of times each year I get to see grade school classmates who were an integral part of the first 14 years of my life. Also, in the last few years, my teammates from college and I have started getting together again. That is certainly a time in my life which nobody else can understand or relate to except them. And I have left every job with at least one life-long friend who has been a part of the important dates in my life since.

Keeping up with all of them is not easy but the reward that comes in making the effort cannot be measured. Making time and making sure that too much time doesn't pass between connections sometimes seems impossible. But keeping up keeps me honest. It keeps me grounded. And it keeps reminding me that there are some amazing people in this world and I am lucky to call them "friend."

Day 5: Good Girlfriends

My high school friends & I outside the old arena
after a Steamers soccer game.

For years, I have preached the benefits of a woman's relationships with other women. And there have been moments, in the midst of my sermonizing, that I have been betrayed by or treated very badly by other women but those experiences do not change my stance. Women need other women in their lives.

There have been scientific studies that have shown that having positive relationships with other women improves a woman's health. A Harvard study suggested that female friends improves quality of life by delaying the onset of stress-related health problems common to women and increased a woman's ability to deal with painful situations.



My college friends with a few of
the guys.


I have great friends. It's not because I always deserve them but it is because I have allowed myself to make new friends at every juncture of my life.

For those who are not convinced, here are my top twelve reasons that female friendships are important:

1. Only a woman will commiserate with you over cramps one minute, which seems girly and weak; and join you on the adventure of a lifetime the next like holding an alligator or flying 40 MPH up the side of a mountain on a snowmobile, which is awesomely brave and womanly.


My friend of almost 40 years, Diane.



2. Female friends will sit up with you all night in your new apartment because you're too afraid to be there alone. And they will paint a wall in that apartment with one hand while unpacking your kitchen with the other.

3. Chicks will see chick flicks with you because they want to. Not because they hope it will earn them points.



Cindy, Christy, Lori, Kate, Heather & I
on our girls' trip to Colorado.


4. Good girlfriends will not only take a road trip with you but they will let you listen to Richard Marx or Show Tunes or whatever music will make you happy.

5. Women will tell you that skirt makes your butt look big. They will tell you that you can get those adorable shoes at Payless.

6. They will share other secrets with you too like which hair removal products work best and where you can find those bras that provide support on the sides, suck in the back fat and lift & gather in the front.

Tiffany & I standing in line
for my audition for
America's Got Talent.

7. Girl friends will talk to you until you are done talking. And they will leave you alone when you say you want to be left alone. But not completely. They will text you until you are ready to talk again and come by your house until you are ready to go out again. And they will never REALLY leave you alone because they know you don't mean it. They know you're just hurting. And they get it. Completely.

Cindy & I on her
40th birthday.



8. Female friends will support you on the way up, catch you on the way down & encourage you to try again until you succeed.

9. Women travel in packs. Yes, that's a good thing. Haven't you heard that there is strength in numbers? There's safety in numbers too. And, if you go to the bathroom alone and there's no toilet paper in your stall... Well, that never happens when you go with a friend!

10. Other women will go on a diet with you and they will go with you on a mission in the middle of the night to find chocolate cake.



My sister, Denise, and I a few
days ago.



11. Female friends will drive by your crush's house with you. Over and over again. And twice on Saturday nights.

12. Women come in all shapes and sizes and colors. And the personality & talent variety is amazing. The reason that is so great is because you are not limited to your shallow attractions when picking out your female friends like you are when choosing a mate. AND can have as many as you want. They can come from work or live in your neighborhood. You can meet them at school or church or the gym. They can be your sisters or your cousins or your aunts or your sister's cousin's aunt. There are no rules. And that is so very liberating.

Now go hug your friends. Or find some. It's good for you!